One Fart

The art of boozing isn’t hard to master;
so many bottles seem filled with my drink
(beer, any kind) that I become disaster.

Like Friday, I meet this guy they call Blaster.
Gross, right? He grabs my ass and I just wink.
The art of boozing isn’t hard to master.

He comes back to my place. We’re playing pastor
and alter boy. God I need a new shrink.
At least the night isn’t quite a disaster.

It’s getting hot and heavy. He goes faster
and I get so close I can’t even think.
The art of boozing is not hard to master.

But then, a stench!—My nose is so harassed or,
rather, burning, I lose it in a blink.
’Kay, now this night is a total disaster.

--He wants to keep going. He’s such a long laster,
but I’m done. I go puke in the sink.
The art of boozing’s not too hard to master,
though it can end in (Smell it!) in disaster.

Words in (Cyber)Space: The Collected Text Messages of Elizabeth Bishop and Robert Lowell

From: liz bishop

the art of losing. Where the f are my keys?? Shit.

Nov 20, 7:34 pm

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From: rob l.

Did you lose them?? i'm losin it here -my minds not right. Fucking boston is cold as balls

Nov 20, 7:38 pm

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From: liz bishop

Ew balls are gross

Nov 20, 7:41 pm

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From: rob l.

You've got to get over that shit if you're going to be a poet. that reminds me - when u comin over?

Nov 20, 7:44 pm

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From: liz bishop

Dont try to booty call me. U kno im lez rite?

Nov 20, 7:50 pm

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From: rob l.

Um you're not over that yet? I thought u were playing hard 2 get. whatever i'll wait

Nov 20, 7:51 pm

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From: rob l.

marry me!

Nov 20, 7:54 pm

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From: liz bishop

I mean if neither of us is married by the time we're like forty i'll consider it. Go bone anotehr liz. And yo fuck prop 8 in CA. Wanna go 2 brazil?

Nov 20, 7:54 pm

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From: rob l.

you're killing me. Ok Fine. But I'm bringing other liz and no Fucking way am i wearing shorts

Nov 20, 7:56 pm

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From: liz bishop

I have a gf

Nov 20, 7:56 pm

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From: rob l.

3some?

Nov 20, 7:57 pm

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From: liz bishop

Fine. But with me other liz and my girl. Ur not invited. Go hang with jerrell.

Nov 20, 7:58 pm

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From: rob l.

whatever. den't be a bitch. i got some scotch and valium - just come over

Nov 20, 8:02 pm

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From: liz bishop

ooh i like scotch

Nov 20, 8:03 pm

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From: rob l.

Who doesn't? Liz....

Nov 20, 8:04 pm

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From: liz bishop

What kind of scotch?? I'm only coming over if it costs over a hundred bucks an ounce

Nov 20, 8:05 pm

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From: rob l.

forget how much the effing scotch costs. Its good scotch- i have something to tell you

Nov 20, 8:06 pm

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From: liz bishop

God. What.

Nov 20, 8:06 pm

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From: rob l.

i love you! you know you love me too!

Nov 20, 8:07 pm

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From: liz bishop

Rob i don't know how to tell you this or how many times I've got to tell you. im lezbo! I'm a sam ron and you will never be my lilo.

Nov 20, 8:11 pm

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From: rob l.

wtf i'm a poet- i'm sensitive. And i'm an effing lowell! You're just pulling a K Perry.

Nov 20, 8:15 pm

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From: liz bishop

ur a fag

Nov 20, 8:39 pm

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From: rob l.

i hate my life. . drunk. Wnt to diie ;-( &knzff

Nov 20, 8: pm

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From: liz bishop

come on robbie. chill man. hold on. i'm coming over. save some booze for me.

Nov 20, 8:43 pm

Stored: Nov 20, 9:01 pm

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